My Knight in Shining Armour

So just took meds because I have a bursting sore head again that has been the last 3-4 days.  Migraine wafers are only seeming to ease it a bit but then it comes back again and considering I am only allowed 2 a day and max of 10 a month it's really not good.

Had some Bacon on Toast for lunch but now my stomach is in agony again.  I hate feeling so unwell.  I'm tired and fed up and just want to escape from this pain.  A nice relaxing spa treat is what I need if only I had the cash  and a babysitter because think Darling Hubby needs a relaxation break too.

Every bit of me is sore I don't think there is a bit of me that doesn't have pain or feel sore and yucky.
I have pain in places I didn't even think possible.  I feel so stressed out and honestly just want to scream, I can't get the words out to describe how I feel.  I'm fed up, pissed off and just wish for once I could be pain free or not so tired.

I think one of the hardest things sometimes about being ill is getting people to understand that you just can't do some things or sometimes just can't be bothered doing anything.  Understanding is a hard thing but compassion is not.  How do you explain to people that sometimes you just don't want to talk, don't want phone calls.  Don't have the energy to reply to things or make decisions.

For the last year all my life has been is pain, worry and appointments and the only person that seems to "get it" is my hubby, he is the one there every step of the way.  Even though at times things have been a BIG strain on our relationship, even though at times I can be a downright bitch to him because he is the only one there so my anger gets vented on him which I know is not fair.  I know he's no angel, neither me or him would claim he is but at the end of the day he is only human, he is here, sometimes the only person that is here for me.  He has stuck by me and continues to stick by me through thick and thin, where a lot of lesser men may have walked away.  The is what a partnership and marriage is all about.  We just need to have the wedding, in our hearts we are already married just not legally lol.  The only reason we are not is money.

There is part of me that just wants to get to witnesses go to registry office and that would be it we would be officially married.  But then there is the part of me that wants that 1 day that I get to feel like a princess and I know that's what my daughter wants she wants me and her to be the beautiful princesses and her daddy to be our handsome prince and that part of me wants to hold on to that dream of 1 happy fairytale day.

Hubby said to me a couple of months ago that he wants to do it soon while I can actually still walk down the aisle and have that first dance and as the tears filled my eyes I was reminded of how loving, caring and absolutely awesome he was.  If only we had the money.

Same thing with the car he went and learnt to drive and passed first time so it would be easier for me to get out and about yet we can't afford a car.  I know this gets to him because he deserves to have a car and get out and about himself and because of me being ill he can't yet he rarely complains about it.  I wish I could give him that one thing.  He has done so much for me and continues to do so and there are no words that can describe how much I love him or how grateful I am for everything he has done for me and continues to do.  He truly is my knight in shining armour, my angel and the love of my life. And I wouldn't change him or our beautiful for the world.