First of the day

Well today this is my first entry of the day have been up since about 10 but takes me a while to come round in the morning.  Definitely feel mornings are worse the pain when I wake up is unbearable and if I didn't have a wee one I'd roll back over and sleep all day.  In the morning my back pain is indescribable.  Today I feel quite yucky again, bowels are sore, migraine kinda teetering on the edge of coming and I just feel so sore.  It is hard to comprehend that this is what my life will be like - people say Fibromyalgia isn't degenerative.  Well for me it's just always getting worse - the pain, the fatigue, the general feeling just so damn unwell.  So conventionally it may not be degenerative in the way a lot of other diseases are but I have to feel to a point that it is.  Yeah there are flare up and remission periods and I have not had it long enough to judge.  But even in remission periods I am still in constant pain just not as much as the "flare ups".  During so called flare ups I just feel so generally unwell and so ill and people don't seem to get that.  I AM ILL - just sometimes more than others.  But I push myself to do more than I probably should then end up burning out.  Last week I was so ill, the worst day I would have happily went to sleep and never woke up.  But I continue to fight.

I have just moved house and know I pushed myself way to hard on the days I was able to and probably even on the days I wasn't really.  I didn't listen to my body because I couldn't I didn't have a choice but to do things. Is that why I ended up so ill.  Can it really be classed as remission and flare ups when remission may only last a few hours or a few days at the most and during that time I am in constant pain but maybe not feeling as ill, sick, crappy as if I'd happily never wake up - this doesn't mean I'm suicidal, I've been there before; before I "got ill". So am I in a constant flare up?  Does anyone have remissions where they are not sore, feel good and well?  Or is this maybe because - as I feel - there is something more than fibromyalgia? There is something the doctors are either missing or not telling me.  After my coffee I will list my known so called "separate" illnesses.  I feel they are all connected and not just to Fibromyalgia.  I feel Fibro is a symptom rather than a cause or diagnosis in my case.

How can I fight what in my heart and head I know isn't the only problem?  How can I get doctors to listen?  They can't see the pain, can't feel how ill I feel.  I am a young woman.  I am only in my late 20's.  This is not usual.  Pissed off because I feel like I will always be fighting a losing battle.